In my blog, Truth Sex & Blogging, I mention numerous times my loathing of suburbia. Thus the whole “Excerpts from Suburbia” just another proverbial finger for that grazing land we all go to when we have kids, cars, consumer debt, and mortgages. I also believe I mentioned at some point a night Mimi and I went out for coffee. I still remember this incident vividly. It was the point in my life where I was nearing forty and the realization of the suburbs came slamming into me.
Mimi and I had had enough of the kids. Our son was just old enough to sit at home watch TV or play video games and listen out for his sister while we tried to steal away into the night for a cup of coffee away from the house. So we get into the car, drive up the road to our favorite coffee place, and just as we are rolling up, I see the lights are down, and I glance at the clock… you know it was ONLY a little after 9PM. Now these folks are our friends, with kids and the such; so I tell Mimi, no big deal, there is this other place I know of down the road. We continue down the road and turn into the strip mall. Now this place is fashioned to be kind of chic, especially for suburbia, with reds and oranges making up the interior, wood floors, nice art on the walls… very “In-town” looking… but you know what, this place is freaking closed too. I am serious, we are hitting like 9:15PM and a coffee house is closed. What the hell is that?
Not to be beaten, I recall there us a Starbucks that was just built a couple of miles down the street. Now we are talking about Starbucks, I am not a fan of their coffee, but they ought to be open right? I know the one I used to go to many years ago, in-town, was open till 11PM most week nights and had little jazz ensembles playing… Look, I am a realist; I know that isn’t what I am going to get in the suburbs, but how about a simple freaking cup of coffee… Well I think not… Yep, you have guessed it reader, the place was closed. I was desperate, I phoned the Books-a-Million down the street at the mall to see if they were open and what time they closed, bear in mind it is now about 9:30PM now. I hit pay dirt, they tell me they are still open, but are going to close at 10PM. I look at Mimi and being as it would be another 10 or 15 minutes to get there, another 5 minutes to order and get our coffees, that would leave us with a mere 10 minutes maybe to enjoy the coffee and look at books…
Well, that is suburbia for you. At 9PM, life stops in the suburbs. At 9PM all good suburbanites should be tucked in to their beds watching TV and soon nodding off so they can get up at 5AM and start the day all over.
So I relate that small episode in my life with you because my Mimi is bored with suburbia. She is bored with life. She is bored with a great many things. I guess I am just on auto pilot, looking for those moments when I can chill out. The routine these days is wake up, get ready for work, take the little one to school, the oldest has already taken the bus by the time the rest of us are ready to go. Then there is work, and then picking the kids up from school and/or sports and preparing dinner. During the whole dinner preparation, the kids occupy themselves and then after dinner, there are showers/baths, and then about 8:30 to 9PM at night Mimi and I have our time. Except, wait… we are beat down by this point. Now sometimes between the two of us we can squeeze in a nice session of sex/love making, which makes the whole day worth it. But this is our day, our routine, and I can see how Mimi is fed up with it all.
Talking to a friend of mine down the street a couple of weeks ago he was telling me their nightly routine. And you know what I found out? We in suburbia are all the same for the most part. It’s like a template. Not only are the houses and cars and pets, and everything else the same. Our routines are even the fucking same. So several months ago, I am talking to my best friend at lunch, and he tells me he was discussing a number of things with his secretary. At some point the conversation went to boring suburbia, and his secretary told him there are lots of things to do if you looked for them. Then she divulges there are about three neighborhoods we are familiar with that we have common friends in, and that have current professional athletes, etc… which have Key Parties or other forms of swinger parties.
So as I have processed all of these things I really have decided that Suburbia is that place you go when we have kids, cars, consumer debt, and mortgages. And it is also there that we all start swinging. Because I know my wife is not the only one bored. I know that the “Ice Storm” wasn’t purely something out of someone’s imagination, that shit was happening in the 70’s and I know it has been happening forever. It is just that no one wants to talk about it. Which I really do not blame them… But I have come to the understanding that experimental sex isn’t so strange, it is rather ordinary.
I read something the other day, and I have to say it makes absolute sense. The premise is simple, if you think you have a kink, don’t think you are alone. If you thought it up, it has already been done, and being done all around you. You just need to open your eyes up. There was a guy on the Playboy Radio calling in for advice from Tiffany because he wanted to know more about his diaper fetish, as he thought he was alone. Off the top of her head, she basically made the same statement, “if you thought of it, it has already been done…. You are not alone, and there are a lot of folks who like diapers… You can even poopy in them… and that is ok…” Now look I don’t really advocate the whole diaper fetish and certainly don’t get into “poopy play” but there are a lot of folks who do… Google it, you will be amazed. Google any kink, and you will find it.
At this point I now have to wonder… If swinging is so normal, which it must be if “poopy play” is normal, then is the Missionary position the new kink?
Mimi and I had had enough of the kids. Our son was just old enough to sit at home watch TV or play video games and listen out for his sister while we tried to steal away into the night for a cup of coffee away from the house. So we get into the car, drive up the road to our favorite coffee place, and just as we are rolling up, I see the lights are down, and I glance at the clock… you know it was ONLY a little after 9PM. Now these folks are our friends, with kids and the such; so I tell Mimi, no big deal, there is this other place I know of down the road. We continue down the road and turn into the strip mall. Now this place is fashioned to be kind of chic, especially for suburbia, with reds and oranges making up the interior, wood floors, nice art on the walls… very “In-town” looking… but you know what, this place is freaking closed too. I am serious, we are hitting like 9:15PM and a coffee house is closed. What the hell is that?
Not to be beaten, I recall there us a Starbucks that was just built a couple of miles down the street. Now we are talking about Starbucks, I am not a fan of their coffee, but they ought to be open right? I know the one I used to go to many years ago, in-town, was open till 11PM most week nights and had little jazz ensembles playing… Look, I am a realist; I know that isn’t what I am going to get in the suburbs, but how about a simple freaking cup of coffee… Well I think not… Yep, you have guessed it reader, the place was closed. I was desperate, I phoned the Books-a-Million down the street at the mall to see if they were open and what time they closed, bear in mind it is now about 9:30PM now. I hit pay dirt, they tell me they are still open, but are going to close at 10PM. I look at Mimi and being as it would be another 10 or 15 minutes to get there, another 5 minutes to order and get our coffees, that would leave us with a mere 10 minutes maybe to enjoy the coffee and look at books…
Well, that is suburbia for you. At 9PM, life stops in the suburbs. At 9PM all good suburbanites should be tucked in to their beds watching TV and soon nodding off so they can get up at 5AM and start the day all over.
So I relate that small episode in my life with you because my Mimi is bored with suburbia. She is bored with life. She is bored with a great many things. I guess I am just on auto pilot, looking for those moments when I can chill out. The routine these days is wake up, get ready for work, take the little one to school, the oldest has already taken the bus by the time the rest of us are ready to go. Then there is work, and then picking the kids up from school and/or sports and preparing dinner. During the whole dinner preparation, the kids occupy themselves and then after dinner, there are showers/baths, and then about 8:30 to 9PM at night Mimi and I have our time. Except, wait… we are beat down by this point. Now sometimes between the two of us we can squeeze in a nice session of sex/love making, which makes the whole day worth it. But this is our day, our routine, and I can see how Mimi is fed up with it all.
Talking to a friend of mine down the street a couple of weeks ago he was telling me their nightly routine. And you know what I found out? We in suburbia are all the same for the most part. It’s like a template. Not only are the houses and cars and pets, and everything else the same. Our routines are even the fucking same. So several months ago, I am talking to my best friend at lunch, and he tells me he was discussing a number of things with his secretary. At some point the conversation went to boring suburbia, and his secretary told him there are lots of things to do if you looked for them. Then she divulges there are about three neighborhoods we are familiar with that we have common friends in, and that have current professional athletes, etc… which have Key Parties or other forms of swinger parties.
So as I have processed all of these things I really have decided that Suburbia is that place you go when we have kids, cars, consumer debt, and mortgages. And it is also there that we all start swinging. Because I know my wife is not the only one bored. I know that the “Ice Storm” wasn’t purely something out of someone’s imagination, that shit was happening in the 70’s and I know it has been happening forever. It is just that no one wants to talk about it. Which I really do not blame them… But I have come to the understanding that experimental sex isn’t so strange, it is rather ordinary.
I read something the other day, and I have to say it makes absolute sense. The premise is simple, if you think you have a kink, don’t think you are alone. If you thought it up, it has already been done, and being done all around you. You just need to open your eyes up. There was a guy on the Playboy Radio calling in for advice from Tiffany because he wanted to know more about his diaper fetish, as he thought he was alone. Off the top of her head, she basically made the same statement, “if you thought of it, it has already been done…. You are not alone, and there are a lot of folks who like diapers… You can even poopy in them… and that is ok…” Now look I don’t really advocate the whole diaper fetish and certainly don’t get into “poopy play” but there are a lot of folks who do… Google it, you will be amazed. Google any kink, and you will find it.
At this point I now have to wonder… If swinging is so normal, which it must be if “poopy play” is normal, then is the Missionary position the new kink?
No comments:
Post a Comment